I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
