we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
