Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
