I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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