I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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