Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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