This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
