So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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