If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
