I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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