So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
