I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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