yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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