I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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