Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
