I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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