dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
