R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
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I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
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Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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