So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
