ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
