Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
