YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
