East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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