I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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