No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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