normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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