one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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