super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
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