Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
