beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
