I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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