Moan for me like Helen Keller
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize