It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
