Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
