So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
