i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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