Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Randomize
