I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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