i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
