the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
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well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
being pregnant is like rehab
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...