Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
