he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
