I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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