Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
