You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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