Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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