You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
