why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
