just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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