If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
