Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
