just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?