So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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