Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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