before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
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He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
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i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low