Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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