The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs