Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.