Texts From Last Night

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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.

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  (480): I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it. http://tfl.nu/fq9i
  Replies (14) Good night (1867) Bad night (538)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"

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  (860): I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober" http://tfl.nu/f99j
  Replies (19) Good night (1442) Bad night (3224)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Ohh that happened after I started to cry.

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  (604): I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous? (778): Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely. (604): Ohh that happened after I started to cry. http://tfl.nu/giil
  Replies (14) Good night (941) Bad night (4441)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.

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  (847): just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this. http://tfl.nu/dz42
  Replies (30) Good night (5087) Bad night (1388)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.

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  (570): Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful. http://tfl.nu/oenz
  Replies (6) Good night (1739) Bad night (981)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO

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  (303): Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO http://tfl.nu/1w33
  Replies (6) Good night (1598) Bad night (837)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?

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  (859): she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery? http://tfl.nu/4aiq
  Replies (24) Good night (6479) Bad night (836)
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  (619): View more from California

  Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head

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  (619): Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head http://tfl.nu/u456
  Replies (3) Good night (1301) Bad night (661)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.

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  (816): It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions. http://tfl.nu/dx67
  Replies (5) Good night (1451) Bad night (643)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.

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  (604): Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible. http://tfl.nu/5wo9
  Replies (5) Good night (959) Bad night (479)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober

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  (606): Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober http://tfl.nu/4i83
  Replies (3) Good night (833) Bad night (455)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone

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  (513): I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone http://tfl.nu/hffa
  Replies (4) Good night (1002) Bad night (556)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.

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  (512): Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess. http://tfl.nu/vcjk
  Replies (1) Good night (739) Bad night (283)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.

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  (406): I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest. http://tfl.nu/pzd0
  Replies (8) Good night (365) Bad night (602)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.

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  (501): If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you. http://tfl.nu/0j48
  Replies (0) Good night (487) Bad night (680)

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