Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?