Texts From Last Night

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  (940): View more from Texas

  That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone

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  (940): That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone http://tfl.nu/w4ug
  Replies (3) Good night (676) Bad night (1713)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better

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  (570): I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better http://tfl.nu/a0xl
  Replies (15) Good night (3486) Bad night (487)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.

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  (717): it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester. http://tfl.nu/hqf6
  Replies (13) Good night (1328) Bad night (3347)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties

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  (416): i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties http://tfl.nu/mxe3
  Replies (9) Good night (2808) Bad night (969)
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  (213): View more from California

  The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.

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  (213): The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out. http://tfl.nu/jmae
  Replies (4) Good night (2127) Bad night (659)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe

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  (307): I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe http://tfl.nu/mnt3
  Replies (5) Good night (1833) Bad night (625)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.

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  (705): I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat. http://tfl.nu/3hhj
  Replies (12) Good night (2427) Bad night (1077)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.

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  (802): Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too. http://tfl.nu/k5c7
  Replies (3) Good night (621) Bad night (816)
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  (805): View more from California

  If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that

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  (805): If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that http://tfl.nu/xc7d
  Replies (7) Good night (520) Bad night (1194)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.

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  (443): i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died. http://tfl.nu/tald
  Replies (6) Good night (458) Bad night (1078)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.

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  (856): Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes. http://tfl.nu/sl8l
  Replies (2) Good night (877) Bad night (365)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.

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  (512): You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits. http://tfl.nu/ddql
  Replies (6) Good night (1413) Bad night (506)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.

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  (303): Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful. http://tfl.nu/s24n
  Replies (3) Good night (699) Bad night (320)
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  (914): View more from New York

  The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse

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  (914): The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse http://tfl.nu/jfot
  Replies (5) Good night (654) Bad night (254)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm

  (561): View more from Florida

  Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots

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  (561): In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm (561): Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots http://tfl.nu/w2ja
  Replies (1) Good night (335) Bad night (139)

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