If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
