dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
