life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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