New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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