you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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