I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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