I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
