I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
