haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
