3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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