It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
