apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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