i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
