he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
