I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
