You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
my god I love twenty year old dicks
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
