Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
