Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
