in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Send help, water and tortillas.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
