After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
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He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
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Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize