I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
