Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize