I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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