he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
