think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
