To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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